[So hey, remember that one guy who you last talked to when he got stuck in a women's restroom? There's a text from him now. It's not nearly as hilarious though.]
ypure riht hese past lifes are bujlshti bull bs
im nto a ggogam herro
[Excellent Inebriated Life Decisions early in the morning, y/n/monkeys???]
[He...squints at that text, which doesn't really make it less blurry because everything is fucking blurry right now, but it makes him feel better about not knowing what the fuck it's talking about. Alas, it's not quite enough to jar him into wondering what the fuck he's even doing right now, so he just. replies. everything is totally normal, right.]
we're all aliens when you think about it. this planet had no need for any life but nope, it came anyways. the only difference between us and them is that we're the good guys.
wlel i gess wedb e sorta liek alilens toe the alliens but were al frpm earth si were not aliens to eech ither lke The Aliens to us so werrrre notalins imena alien aleins like not humn aleans
[This is now a test of how many times he can say 'aliens' in one text. Also how many different ways he can misspell it.]
nd noo im k
[Spoilers: He's not even sure who you are at this moment in time, nor where, precisely, he is, save for "a bar". Also he wants to keep drinking, so >.>]
[...you probably shouldn't have put ideas in his head, because he totally just grabbed a plastic orange from a decorative fruit bowl nearby and tied his tie around it.]
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